Answer to Nina about “Compulsive Staring” at Privates
Nina’s OCD behavior, feeling compelled to stare at the private parts of others is not unusual and is an OCD behavior that we have seen before. Nina, you mention your fear that you will be caught by others and be humiliated. I am guessing you also have fears/concerns about what this may mean about you and are concerned is this really OCD or is there some other problem you have. This is OCD. The targets of OCD are often focused on what might be most threatening to us. With the trauma you suffered, your mind creatively has figured out what would be terrible for you — further humiliation and, again, what does this mean about you. Again, I am guessing that you spend an equal amount of time obsessing about being caught, how to control yourself and what does this mean about you. Because I don’t know you, I can only discuss in general terms what exposure and response prevention would look like. Because it is impossible to have the concentration to control where you are staring 24/7, initial treatment would have you staring at private parts on purpose, but trying to do so in a sneaky way so as to not get caught. This gets you out of the control bind. Scripts to accompany the exposure depend upon whether my guesses about your feared consequences are correct or not and your personal history. In general, they would focus on how you would try to cope with being caught in a positive way and not having definite answers to questions about yourself. You’ve mentioned a traumatic experience, this also requires treatment combined with the OCD treatment. I don’t know if you have seen an OCD specialist. You can check with the OC Foundation (www.ocfoundation.org) and their find a therapist part of the website. If you find names that are close to you, you can call the Foundation to find out if they can tell you more about the therapist. I’m sorry I can’t be more specific, but you should know this is a treatable form of OCD. If you have a therapist who is willing , I would provide them with some supervision.
I do have a therapist who might be willing to receive some supervision (I’m not in the States, though, and it’s not CBT. I tried CBT for over a year with a trained therapist in CBT, with no success. She got frustrated at the lack of progress and stopped seeing me). Do you do phone consultations or do you know of a colleague who does this? To answer your questions, I’m convinced that this is indeed ocd. There is no doubt in my mind about it after all that I’ve read on the topic. I have doubted myself in the past about my sexual orientation and what it meant as far as what kind of a person I am, but I no longer do this. I know it’s a disease But my main problem is that I AM GETTING CAUGHT ON A REGULAR BASIS, which is having disastrous effects on my professional and social life. People obviously do not appreciate having their personal space invaded like this and I understand them. I would react in the same way if I were in their shoes. In fact the compulsion happens first, and then the obsessing, contrary to most ocd sufferers. In my case, the compulsion is not actually a ritual that is devised to make me feel better. It triggers the intense fear in the first place. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been on medication for years. I also tried looking surreptitiously because I remember reading that advice somewhere a few years ago (I still do this). I find myself quite capable of doing this, though. The problem occurs when I’m in a direct conversation/interaction with someone because my real fear is of being judged as a freak. 14 years is a long time. If you have anymore insight, I would greatly appreciate it. I’ve worked so hard at trying to cure myself from this. I have all the books, I do yoga and meditation. I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve included my e-mail. thank you for responding to me
I am grateful to have found this site. I have recently come to accept that I have OCD, but it was Nina’s post that really hit home with me. I felt like I was reading my own story. I too have this driving compulsion to stare at privates. Usually for me it is with men but I think it’s because I work very closely with so many men. I am paraniod of being caught (no one has said anything yet). I know it’s just a matter of time. And it has nothing to do with how attractive the person is.
I wish I could offer Nina some help, or tell her I found a way to beat it, but I haven’t. I can only offer support in knowing that like me, she is not the only person out there suffering from this.
Thank you for sharing your issue. I continue to look for help and wish you success in finding peace.
Like Shannon, I felt like I was reading my own story. I have the same exact problem for about 15 years and I’m at my wits end. I’m a guy and my problem occurs when with both men and women — it has nothing to do with my sexual orientation or sexual frustration; I’m straight and I have a girlfriend. I have comorbid BDD and so feelings of being perceived as a freak are also in play. It’s the ultimate self-sabotage; the most humiliating thing I can do. To the doc, my question concerns how to create an effective ERP program. Should I make a scrapbook of clothed fashion photos (interestingly enough, naked people and pornographic photos are completely non-threatening) and then go through the ritual of trying not to stare, staring anyway and feeling anxious and terrible? I can induce the same feelings and anxiety this way. In the real world, I don’t stare directly, but surreptitiously. So, should I be staring directly or surreptitiously at the privates in the photos? How long per day? What are the scripts that should accompany this? Any suggestions would be welcome!
And again, I am feeling like the others, they are telling my story. My problem began one day when I was chatting with a female in my office, before this I was not at all “aware”. During the coversation I noticed her close her sweater…I was absolutely horrified..I thought “Oh my goodness, she thinks I was looking at her inappropriately??” That is when it all started. Every person I looked at after that I couldn’t help being drawn to their private parts…men or women. The worst part of it was, about a month later I saw the lady do the exact same thing when talking with someone else, it was a habit of hers to close her sweater when it opened to far, but, it didn’t matter the damage for me was done. I liken the urges to driving by a car wreck with casualties..you know you shouldn’t look, you don’t want to look because you know it won’t be good, but the pull in your brain is too strong to resist and you end up doing it anyway. The only time I have any relief is when I am wearing sun glasses, I can resist the urge to look becuase the other person cannot see my eyes. It doesn’t make sense to me and its completely maddening. The stress this causes is almost unbearable. I can feel the anxiety begin to build if I know I may have to talk with someone because I know that at some point I am not going to be able to resist the urge to “stare”. This has completely wrecked my life, old friendships are suffereing because I can no longer make eye contact. New friendships are non existent because you can’t make new friends if you can’t make eye contact. Can I ever go back to being “unaware”?
I`ve had this same problem for 25 years. I am relieved today to learn that this is not my problem only. It has limited my life and caused me alot of pain, using medications etc. I think it is now easier to accept knowing it can happen to other people as well and perhaps this acceptance will cure it in the end. I´m going to see a psychiatrist about it finally… gee what kinds of problems we get. I agree it`s like your mind figures out a way to humiliate you in the worst possible way.
………………..
I wasn’t expecting so many replies. Most ocd books never mention these specific symptoms (just one, an old book called “The imp of the mind” by Lee Baer). I’m shocked to find out that there are so many people suffering from this. It helps a little bit to know that I’m not alone but on the other hand, it hurts, because I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy and because I now know that this can go on for even longer than 14 years. Is there a link between this specific ocd symptom and social phobia? I,ve had someone suggest that it might also involve the latter… I would like to build a support system around this; I just can’t go through this alone.
Nina
Nina and the rest – Ditto on all of it, including not believing that there a soul on the planet with this identical disorder. Lucy, big ditto. If you start a facebook page or something I would join it. If anyone has had any luck with any specific meds I would love to know them. Good luck to all, it is difficult to hear your pain. I don’t think I would wish this on my worst enemy. Simon – total ditto, almost identical situation.
Me too another victim. I am having acute abdominal deficiency making it totally visible from outside, and I think when I started having the effect of it and when I became very much conscious of it and people noticing it, the rare behavior started.
People hesitate to share a lift with me, no one will dare to sit in my car next to me or even behind. I can imagine me giving a lecture in an auditorium, I bet it will be empty!. Career has come to a difficult point. Anyway I am trying to take it sportive. Now more encouraged that many in this world and there may be cure for this.
I will looking at this thread, DEAR ONES PLEASE POST HERE ANY PROGRESS
Further to add to my post, I met three psychiatrists, I felt none of them were very keen, did not want to meet me again!. Just gave some strong medicines with which I used to get deep sleep, nothing else, tried for a long time and stopped.
I’ve also suffered from this for over two years and it is a socially disabling and paralysing complaint, especially if you do a job that requires a large amount of social interaction.
I fully agree with the idea of trying to create some kind of support group over the Internet, no one should be alone with this; however, has anyone actually studied this and does it have a name?
After all, it is hard to create a support group if people do not know what they are searching for on the Internet!
As for the symptoms, they are always present, but they tend to rise and fall in accordance with my level of stress.
I think my own problems started when an ex-girlfriend informed me at a dinner party we were attending that a friend of hers mentioned seeing me looking down my former girlfriend’s cleavage while at the table.
I was horrified at this!
Add a sprinkle of low self esteem, a very stressful job, etc, etc, and I think i developed the necessary ingredients for this problem to emerge.
I agree with the above writers that it is very difficult to handle, but i do live with it, and by all accounts so does everyone else that’s at least a start.
David, it is a form of OCD, but we don’t have a specific name for this presentation. There are therapists who are experts at working with OCD and you may live near someone. You can find out by going to the International OC Foundation’s website at: http://www.ocfoundation.org and then go to the find a therapist section. Or you can e-mail me and tell me where you live and if I know someone near you, I can direct you to them. As for online support groups: there are two very good online OCD support groups. They are the OCD support list at: OCD-Support@yahoogroups.com or the OCD Goal group at: OCD-selfhelp@yahoogroups.com.
Even I am suffering from the same. This is with the opposite sex
I feel like isolating myself from the world..I was and I am a very nice girl.
I have seen a therapist once, he is said this is because I never discussed sex with my friends ,that word was always like ..something to not talk about ..no jokes ,no movies ..I was really very innocent…And I am a perfectionist.
Once I failed in my studies, I used to like someone, but never told him, as I was diagnosed with some illness which resulted into an operation. Then he got engaged
My life was a disaster and then this habit came and ruined my life.
I am very good at my work, I go out of my way elp people…but still … the people who are jealous of me keep on talking about this all the time. I make friends with my good nature but some1 from my past comes up and ruins it.
I don’t feel this OCD with a complete stranger , but as soon as he knows about it I get that back.
I feel like vomiting , I feel sick ,I feel inhuman to have this habit.
I use to love God, but don’t know why he chose me for his hatred .
I wish if God can take anything from me …anything that he wants …and set me free from this sin…………..
Hi all from a few years ago and present(especially the present comments 2010) I am shocked about how many people this habit affects. This is a problem for me to. I am on Lexapro 20 mg. for GAD I think. To tell you the truth I am not sure what I have anymore. I am really thinking of going off this stuff and seeing what happens. I have a hard time staring at people in the eye, but yet I feel like I do have a high self esteem, my life has changed when I came down with panic and anxiety disorder almost 10yrs ago. But I noticed this staring at private areas was even before i came down with panic and anxiety. I did have a problem with porn normal porn if there is such a thing, but since I have given my life over to Jesus Christ through hearing His word and believing it, a lot has subsided, but the staring issue is still with me. I deal with it daily, I kind of look down and around when I am talking to someone but manage to get a glimpse in because it nags me to death. Its so weird!! I dont understand it!! but I do know I live in a fallen body and world of sin and death and as long as we are in these earthly bodies we are going to have “issues”. I thought I was alone with this one though. It really helps me to sit at at tables when talking to people rather then on a chair or couch across from them(just a pointer). I am strait and happily married with three wonderful children. I can say though without doubt thank God for Jesus and His Holy Spirit, I am free from porn and other things that I used to be in bondage to, and most of the time, keeping my mind on Him and His promises help me with this frustarting habit!! If you have a Bible please read the Gospel of John chpt.3. aslo check out Romans chpt. 7&8!! It wil Help.
Hang in there Asha!!
Hi, I also have the same problem. Same story like the rest of you. I have a husband and I’m straight but cant look people in the eye, my eyes are drawn to their private parts. Its with males and females. I also think its a combination of social anxiety and OCD. It depresses me to see so many people sruggling with it for years and not finding a solution. I am really trying hard to overcome it. Recently started work at a new place because I think everybody thought I was a weirdo at my old workplace because of this. Was happy to have a clean slate and was determined not to do it again. But alas same old story and people are beginning to snigger and avoid me. I hate it, its ruining my life, I wish it will just stop. And yes I agree its self distructive behaviour, humiliating yourself in the worst way without being able to help yourself. Please continue this discussion. Lets hope for some sollution.
Add another victim to the list! Ditto to all of the above comments. My problems are with men & women and add cleavage problems as well (the low cut fashion trend isn’t helping). Starting over with jobs and relationships doesn’t solve the problem long term, but it feels good being normal until the first event happens. It has wrecked my career and personal life. I’m just trying to make it through whatever way I can. Men seem to get more incensed and insulted when I’m noticed glancing. And it only takes a fraction of a second! I do it with television and pictures as well, but not always. I was looking at some old pictures in a photo album and I found myself looking at my own crotch in the pictures. Pretty strange & awkward mentally and not at all logical. Women, I think are more used to being stared at by men in general and don’t seem to react as much (unless you’re very close). I’ve had this condition since 1994 and it was triggered by a boss that liked to really lean back in his chair while we were having meetings. He elevated his crotch to near eye level while leaning back almost to the point of falling over backwards. After that, he accused me of staring and told me that “you really need to get yourself a girlfriend.” Ever since that day I’ve had this problem. After that I doubted my sexuality for a few years, but realized later that it had nothing to do with it.
Strategies: I agree with the sunglasses idea that someone had. It amazingly goes away when you’re wearing sunglasses. I have no urge to look when I’m wearing them because my eyes are hidden. Caffeine makes everything much worse! Stay away from stimulants. Alprazolam (Xanax) in small amounts helps. I keep some in a pill carrier in my pocket. You need about 45 minutes for it to kick-in and be of any benefit. If you know you’re going to encounter someone in the open without the benefit of a table or something to mask or even prevent the event, try to change the setting whenever possible to your advantage. I tried several years of therapy and antidepressant medication without any improvement except for the Xanax trick. It really does seem like the forces of the universe are really working against you for reasons unknown. I’m really a kind person, so I don’t believe there’s a cause and effect thing going on. I think certain people are more vulnerable to high anxiety experiences and end up with long term issues. I’m going on 16 years of this now with no end in sight. I think coping strategies are our best hope for now.
Hopefully, a new drug will eventually come around to help with this problem. Hope this post helps somebody. I feel better having found the site. My therapists hadn’t heard of it.
Comment
Hi,
I’m going through the same problem. I have typed “staring at genital” in Google and came up with a few stories of people that managed to overcome this problem.
One of then wrote:
“I used to stare at people’s genitals for about 11 years starting at age 10. One day my ex-boss told me to look at people in the eyes so I started to avoid looking at those areas. I just want to know why I did it.” (meaning she doesn’t do it anymore)
Another person wrote:
“I just want to say that I had this problem for 15 years. once my boss told me to look at people in the eyes so i knew he was talking about it. After that i knew where to look and i don’t have much problem anymore. when i don’t know where to look i just close my eyes and take a big breath. now my relationships with people have drastically improved and i feel a lot better. if i accidentaly look at genitals i just turn my head. i still feel guilty a bit but i moved on.”
I tried this myself and I find that looking people in the eyes eliminates the problem in several situations. However, when I’m sitting down, and someone approaches me standing up, it’s more difficult to look the person in the eyes. Moreover, when you are talking to someone, and both of you are sitting down, and someone approaches us standing up, their genitals are in the same height as the other person’s eyes, it’s difficult to keep your eyes from looking at their genitals.
I don’t know how long this is going to last, it has started recently. I am freaking out about the stories of people who have had this problem for several years, and have not come up with a solution. This has been going on for me for about two months.
I hope this information helps someone. Please share your experiences in trying to look people in the eyes.
I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives great information “-,
I thought I was alone. I’ve alienated myself from friends. My husband is such an observant person, I’m sure he has noticed, but how do you bring up something like that? It started for me while I was on Wellbutrin. I may be completely off base. Did anyone else notice that?
Reply to K about symptoms starting after Wellbutrin. There is no current evidence of medications triggering an OCD episode, so it is most likely coincidental timing.
I share all of your pain. I have no desire to look – it just happens. I don’t obsess about getting “caught,” because I know going into a conversation people are going to notice.
This has been going on for 20-plus years for me (since freshman year of high school), and it has made every day a struggle (some worse than others). There’s no escaping it, and there doesn’t seem to be a logical explanation. I otherwise have high self esteem, am straight (though this problem affects me with both men and women), have dated beautiful women – married one of them (still married with four beautiful kids), but it’s because I’ve been able to cope, nothing else.
I almost dropped out of school because of it, sat in my apartment for days at a time while enrolled at a prestigious university, but felt I owed it to my family to not let it ruin my life completely, so was able to finish college. I have no doubt profs who I actually had to interact with graded me lower because of it, and it’s put me at a significant disadvantage professionally. I don’t expect people to understand it, because I don’t understand it.
Once the kids came along, I knew I had to tough it out and brave it to support them. So I have, and I’ve been able to make a very good living and become very respected in my field in spite of it. I don’t say this to boast, only to provide some hope to those of you I see suffering as I have (and do). I still have several close friends, though the social life is still a daily struggle and nothing like it would be if I didn’t have this problem, of course.
One thing for some of you who I can tell are really hurting – this has nothing to do with being “perverted” or “a freak.” I’m in a position where I interact with some high profile individuals, and I can promise you I have no desire to see their “old junk.” To cope, I make eye contact, but then try to look away and glance at their eyes from time to time and look away before I glance elsewhere (tough to do, and it’s always inevitable because you’re always thinking about it – don’t do it, don’t do it).
If I force myself to continue to look regardless of where my eyes wander, sometimes I finally get lost in the conversation and don’t think about it for a minute or so – but then it’s back to, “you’re going to look.” Again, it’s inevitable. It’s not staring for me, but constant glancing, making them uncomfortable, then you uncomfortable. It’s painful.
Anyway … know that you’re not alone, but it doesn’t have to ruin you. Essentially, I just pretend I don’t have a problem, and people have come to appreciate and like me in spite of it. I haven’t tried drugs or counseling, but I might now that I’ve seen I’M not alone (Bob, slip me some of that Xanax). I appreciate all of you sharing.
I too have this problem. Mine started while on Wellbutrin also. Even after I went off Wellbutrin it continued. I beleive it has to do with anxiety and Wellbutrin increases anxiety.
My “staring” problem started with a boss that humiliated me over and over again.My self esteem was so low that I avoided eye contact.Looking down all the time, people would assume that I was looking “there” and get uncomfortable. For whatever reason I just can’t stop. I hate it when I see others uncomfortable about it. They put coats on around me and close their tops ect.. I even do it to my own parents. It is not logical. I am happily married and have no desire to look at anyones elses “stuff”.
The only thing that helps is Ativan. I am also on Lexapro but have not seen much of a difference with that. I feel very bad for my teenage kids , to have to go to school and get slack for having the weirdo mom.
I do believe that there is a connection with Social Anxiety as well, because I suffer from this also.
The only other thing I can add is when I am stressed it is harder to control. Yes sunglasses help and also sitting at a table instead of standing for a conversation helps. It makes me sad to know that no one speaks of overcoming this but gives me comfort to know I am not alone.
There is no evidence to date that Wellbutrin results in an increase of symptoms or long term anxiety. It is more likely that it didn’t help and the problem became worse.
After so many years of this haunting me I randomly decided to put into google staring at genitals, then kept viewing different pages until I found this one, and what a huge relief it is just to know there are other ppl like me. As long as I can remember this has been a problem, resulting in comments from partners and friends, and I know strangers feel uncomfortable around me in the past. I was just resigned to the fact I was very strange, and tried to avoid “situations”.it is a horrible affliction to have,and makes me want to spend alot of time alone so it doesn’t happen.I even used to wish I was blind so it didn’t happen any more and I would be normal. pls keep the post’s coming guys, it’s a huge relief to “talk” to ppl with this problem,as although I hAve alot of great friends, how do u bring up a subject like this??? Take care
I too have the exact same problem…
Its a gaze/staring at the eyes but looking elsewhere…
I’ve tried so many things, keep positive, bla bla… but it never works.
It certainly helps when other people cover up their private areas i.e a long jacket or are sitting down…
Like me, its ruined my social and professional side, i try not to give eye contact.
This started for me when i was having my hair cut… the person cutting my hair was homosexual… and i had a fear he was getting an errection… freaked out staring…then after i started to stare at men’s genital areas but i was thinking about it…… progressed even further then starting to star at womens.. just keeps getting worse.
I was a really confident… fully eye contacted person… now i’m completely the opposite.
I’m trying to stare elsewhere i.e at the mouth or nose as a distraction from staring at the genitals.
Its an OCD that happens because your thinking about the genital area, or thinking ‘dont stare’… you’ve got to try interact your mind with something else… think and interact with what they are saying
Its very difficult, almost impossible to get out of.
Any help/advice really appreciated…
For those that have this problem, keep strong.
Hey thanks everyone. I knew for sure that I wasn’t the only one suffering from this but reading all the comments made me feel a tad better. I too have been suffering from this from the past 10 years and its crippling. And yes no medications seem to work. So wish that we all find a definite cure for this compulsion.
Doc can you help me with this. Have been taking Nexito 10 mg for the last 5 years but doesn’t seem to work.
Hi everyone, I am man in my late 20s studying here in the USA from Africa. I have only been in the USA for 7months but these seem to have been some of the worst months in my whole life. I have a similar problem and it seems to be getting worse. I find myself looking at women’s breasts. This is something that just started a few months ago and the moment people started noticing, it kept getting worse. Looks as though it is written on my face coz even just a simple look to me seems to get a wrong interpretation either from me or the people concerned. I have seen people in school staying away from me and this is hurting me even more. I seem to be oversensitive and at times over-analytical. Another fact about me is that back home am married with a kid and i miss them so much. I dont know if this is worsening the problem as well. Trouble is that like everyone else am now having trouble keeping eye contact(esp with women) and even stress about people looking at me. I dont know whether something has just snapped off in my brain of what. I dont know why life should be this complicated. My problem started with this girl(classmate) who i accidentally looked at and she probably thought i had glanced at her chest. I saw her covering herself and that made me feel uncomfortable. Remember that at this point i was already having social anxiety problems and slight depression having just moved from a small town back home to a big city in the USA. Plus the sense of humour and esteem that had hit it’s lowest ebb, i was so much affected. And somehow what started as a small fear of being noticed by one girl has led me in fear of being noticed thereby bringing me to where am now: a total wreck, i will look at the chest of each and every woman despite their age against my will. The more i try to stop myself, the worse it is becoming. I feel much more comfortable now being alone and at times with guys only. I have cried many times to God why this is happening to me and am now at my wits end. Coincidentally, some time during the winter break(2010) i decided to go see a doctor for chest pains which were somehow caused by anxiety and he prescribed Xanax. At this time staring at breasts was not yet a problem. Somehow i feel my chest problems where healed by just knowing what the problem was. But now since i at times find myself having extreme anxiety and panic attacks, i have been taking a pill or half whenever i feel bad. By the way the doctor had told me i could take a pill to relax but of course it was not this kind of problem. This problem, combined with the pressure of school, missing home has made my life miserable and i dont know what to do! I cant even share this problem with my wife coz it’s embarrassing and honestly if i could rewind my life to just a few months ago, i would be a happier person!
I am the one who wrote the text saying I don’t suffer from this compulsion anymore. After a year and a half of relieve, the problem came back. I only do it once or twice a week now, but it still makes my life difficult. I am anxious around new people and I don’t want to go to school or work anymore. The fact is I was not aware of my compulsion until my boss yelled at me in September 2009. I always had a hard time with non verbal cues too so I had no idea I was actually bothering people. No one had make such comments before. I lived with my OCD (obsession compulsion disorder) for over 10 years without knowing it. I also have bipolar disorder and a mixed personnality disorder (evitant, histrionical, dependant and schizotypical). My PD (personnality disorder) decreased a lot over the years, but my BD (bipolar disorder) increased a lot. I often feel ashamed of myself for things I have done in the past, including my OCD. My family was dysfunctional and I had no friend for most of my life. Now I have a lot of friends (real ones) and get along with my family. I just can’t seem to cope with my up and downs and I fear a lot my OCD. I never know when my compulsion will come back and if so if people will reject me for doing it. I feel like people don’t really like me. Maybe they are just acting out knowing i have 3 mental illnesses. I don’t feel human, I feel like I am a bunch of labels on my shirt.
What I fear most is my future. I won’t be able to get a job, find a husband or have children. I can’t live a normal life. I will get my degree but hope nothing for the future. My friends will all get good jobs, marry and start a family. In the mean time, I will end up on welfare living with 10 cats and that’s all. My parents will die living me alone. I will be rejected as usual. I have been rejected by 25 people or groups of people for the past 20 years. I am always rejected because I am a terrible person. I look down on people, I always need attention from them, I have huge up-and-downs, I have a big imaginary world and I always need to be told what to do. I worth nothing and I understand why those people rejected me. For years I had no idea I was rejected because I don’t read non verbal cues and I don’t understand implicit messages. I hate myself and I feel responsible for everything I did. I always doubt my friends’ love. I always fear their rejection. Now I don’t want to live anymore. I used to think I’m a good person and people like me. Now I know it’s untrue. People don’t like me and I am a terrible person. I don’t worth living so I will commit suicide sooner or later. I live for my education and that’s it. I have no reason to live. God bless you!
I feel so alone and ashamed of myself. I can’t talk to anyone. People around me believe I am obsessed with sexuality and I want to have sex with all of them. They make fun of me all the time. I was sexually abuse in my childhood on a regular basis by my brother and both my parents protected him. Now I fear sexual abuse by anyone and that’s how I deal with it. My father was psychologically and verbally abusive toward me and my brother. My mother protected my father all the way. I had nowhere to go because I had no friends so I started being someone else in public. At the end I didn’t know what part of me was the character and what part was the real me. I also started a big fantasy world in which I was the main character. I talk to my false friends for hours each day. I used to mimicate my mother because I didn’t know what was right to do and what was wrong. I end up liking things she likes and doing stuff she likes just to be like her. I had no personnality at all. People say I am a jerk and I believe so. I don’t trust anyone, I feel useless and incompetent, I hate everyone on Earth. I hate myself more than everything. I hate myself because everyone hates me. I hate myself because I feel less than a human being. I hate myself because I have nowhere to go and I can’t escape from my situation and my home. I hate myself because I was abused by so many people and I hate myself because I couldn’t stop all this. I hate myself because I suffer from a mental illness people make fun of. My friends say I am normal. They say they like me. I can’t believe them, I am just a douchebag. I want to die and I need to die. People can’t understand how desperate I am. They reject me for who I am and they make fun of me.I had a pornography problem for years which stopped several months ago. I still feel the urge to escape from reality doing it. I tend to eat more than normal instead. I am far from perfect, I am the worse kind of human being after murderers. I don’t deserve to live. I feel guilty from what I do. As a Christian I know all those things are sins. I feel like God doesn’t love me for who I am. I can’t be as good as I should for Him. They say God loves everyone no matter what, I can’t believe it. I can’t believe someone likes me except my cat. She is my best friend and the only person I can trust. I hope you do well.
I to have started suffering from this ocd. Im 18 and it started when i was 17 when i started getting gay ocd scared to make emotional eye contact with a man i started looking down alot then one day i started focusing on people private parts and now its like i cant stop i cant enjoy tv the way i used to or go out in public i lost alot of friends over this it has gotten so bad to the point that i dropped out of school and barricaded myself in my room. I hate this ocd it makes u want to kill yourself it stops you from enjoying the simple things in life. Im hoping that i can get over this. Hope yall do the same.
Ugh, as with everyone else, I suffer from the same problem plus some. My name is Poe, I’m now 21, but I’ve been suffering with this problem in particular for all of a year and a half going on 2.
At times, before realizing it was a form of OCD, it made me doubt my sexuality. That led me to the route of researching Homosexual OCD. I have no desire to be gay, mind you.
Not only do I suffer from staring at people’s private (both above and below waist level), but I suffer from a tendency to stare/lock-on to people once they come into my peripheral vision :[ If we talk for any length of time, my eyes begin to wander downwards or whatever as my mind tells me not to do so. Then I’ll end up staring back to intensely because the only thing on my mind is to keep eye contact and not look down or anything (which with other men, I can read in their eyes our weirded out they become).
Its gotten worse, I even do it to members of my family (I think my grandfather is weirded out the most), though I try to show him I don’t want to look by looking away when I pass him in an exaggerated manner. Real people without clothes on make this form of OCD the most difficult because I try my hardest not to look. I don’t want to look at men with their shirts off and be thought of as checking them out :T With females its easier, but there is a certain level of respect of try to provide and even moreso if I know they’re married or have boyfriends.
This is truly ruining my life and I have no idea how this all happened to me. I can no longer look forward at a powerpoint, because my eyes and attention will wander to the person on the left or right of me after my mind lapses; though I have informed a couple people and they understand when I raise both of my hands to the side of my head to block my peripheral.
I heard that there is a possibility that Paxil may be an effective treatment (though the withdrawal symptoms are beyond hell on earth) and xanax as a way of relieving some of the anxiety and not caring as much (or being too out of it to care). Whatever it takes, I just want to be normal again and be able to concentrate.
At this very moment, on the fourth of July I refuse to go outside with my family and sit and socialize because I’m scared my staring will kick in while my family is standing around talking to me or whatever >_> its so much easier this way. If you move fast enough with the intention of accomplishing just what you need to accomplish, you won’t get much of a chance to stare in a focus manner. Thanks for the support guys, sorry for the long post. This is the first time I’ve ever expressed the whole of my problem . . .
To Poe and the others who have this problem. I understand that a column like this can’t provide the total answer, but I would encourage you to look at my original answer to Nina, who started this thread. Medication can play a role, but a form of exposure and response prevention is critical. My response was a starting point that you can bring to a therapist experienced with OCD or who is learning about it. If you have a therapist who is would like advice from me, they can feel free to contact me. I know this is a very difficult form of OCD to suffer from, but we have helped sufferers to overcome it.
Basically i turned to the internet after years with this struggle only to find HUNDREDS of people with the exact same type OCD as MARIE.
Unfortunately no one has been able to find a cure. which is baffling to me that people have had this problem for ten , twenty years after numerous therapists and still
have to face life with this debilitating problem. After reading your article you gave many of us hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I believe this problem is also connected to social anxiety as most people with this problem cant look at others in the face or have a hard time doing so . My case started when in a social situation i was in deep thought blankly staring and one person thought i was staring inappropriately and crossed her legs. From then on its like my mind plays dirty tricks on me and i cant control it, pretty ridiculous as i do it mostly to the people that are the most inappropriate . Its not sexual i do not get any gratification from it just terrible unpleasant moments. The more you try to control it the more you do it.
The exposure theory works well on social anxiety and regular OCD but in this case how do we expose ourselves ? just stare at a person and not hold back the look so that our mind satisfies its want ? ive found xanax to help me allot with this problem and im unsure if its because it reduces my anxiety or because it reduces the level of the intrusive thoughts
sooo a couple of quick questions that i know from reading everybody’s posts that we all have :
best SSRI to take for this problem? the only person that ive read that was cured said she took prozac along with CBT.
is there a cure or just a control and what is it ?
was marie cured?
OCD or tick?
DR PENZEL RESPONSE:
Medication and therapy are controls. There are no cures as of yet, but we can do a good job in controlling it. There is no one med that works for everyone. This is why there are so many of them. I think the social anxiety is the result of the problem – not the cause. Marie recovered, but was not cured – as I said, there is no cure. Beware of anyone promising one. Whether or not it is purely OCD or a tic is up for grabs, and it may vary from person to person. It may even be a combination of the two – something we refer to as Tourettic OCD
has anyone tried prozac?
I tried to commit suicide in June, came close to die. I finally realized I had to tell my best friends that I have this OCD problem. I told 5 of my friends and they understood very well. 3 of them never noticed anything. For two years now I don’t do it on a regular basis. Only from time to time. Mostly with strangers on the street I never find myself talking to. I worked very hard on my personality problems. My psychologist says I don’t have this kind of disorder anymore. Thank you God! I am also bipolar which makes me going very down. I can get depressed for months. Now I feel normal. I guess my faith, my family and friends supports me a lot. God is good to me! I still feel ashamed for what I have done because of this OCD. I’m sick, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Do you find people guilty of having cancer? People around me once found me guilty of being sick, even tough I am not responsible for this. I hope people will understand. I hope they will forgive me and understand I’m the first victim. I didn’t want to look down on them, my head made me doing it against my will. My friends say I’m a nice girl and it’s true. I am fun to be with when I am not depressed. I want to be cured of this. Is it possible? Can I be free of this? I don’t want to die but I can’t live with my OCD. My ex-psychologist used to make fun of me and my faith in Jesus. She used to tell me each time I am “dependant” which is untrue. I don’t have a personality disorder anymore. I have a lot of friends and I love my family. I guess I am blessed. I hope they can find a cure one day. I really want to have fun and make more friends. I want to be a better person. I feel dirty, I feel ugly. I need to be loved no matter what. I want to be as normal as everyone on Earth, not a bunch of labels on my shirt. I hope I will be find soon.
wow, i am not alone. i feel like i am, though. i am 35 married with one child, had this issue since i was 7. its manifested itself in various ways, but basically i glance at anything that’s inappropriate– if someone has a deformity, breasts, whatever. it’s horrifying and has always been so. i hate it and hate this aspect of myself and quite honestly it’s disappointing that nobody has an easy cure. when i was little i used to conjure up ways of blinding myself…sunglasses “cure” it like many other folks who wrote. anyway, it’s constant- -either doing it or thinking about not doing it or thinking about what other people must say behind my back or fear of losing my job because of it. depressing indeed. thanks for reading.
I typed a long passage out about my experiences and things but decided not to submit it for a couple reasons. I decided that I also want to contribute by letting people know I also am ANOTHER person who has this problem.
o my god i have this proplem too .idrop out from college and because of this .there was a teagher in colleg (i stared at her cleaveg.i am not gay) i felt horrrrrible and after ond day and befor i walk in college this teacher told to every girl that iwas gay infront of the whole student and ask from every one not to talk to me(my good friend told me about what does this teacher said )and my name pop on all the big plasma screen all over the college ) that was the most painfull thing happen to me i start screeming in my sleep for about 4 monthes ilost alot of friends i am at hone now painting and drowing and i have alot of dark sun glasses. that happen to me in2009. always pray for good
It is incredible for me to see how mny people struggle with my same problem. I am a teacher and my symptoms started about five years ago at my workplace, when talking to a female colleague. Involuntarily, I started staring at her breasts, even though she had appropriate work clothing. She adjusted her clothes normally, but I started obsessing over the tought of me being gay. I am not, and have wonderful friendiship relationships with both gay or heterosexual people, but since I work in a school environment, it has become more and more frustrating as I stared at most of my female coworkers. Since receiving medication and theraphy for about 1 year as of now, I decided to be open about my OCD and visiting a therapist, since I though my coworkers need to understand my odd behaviour and complusion. I have managed to keep being functional, but sometimes symptoms come back. I try to be patient with myself and to be as honest as I can, even if that means apologizing if someone feels uncomfortable. I just don’t know if I keep being so open about OCD i will loose my job of if I have rights even with my mental condition? Does anyone know?
Hi! I feel very well right now. I have a lot of friends, I get along with my parents and my collegues and I volunteer with seniors and non litterate people. I go to school as well and everything seems to go right. I gave my life to Jesus again. I lost 20 pounds. I don’t look at people like this anymore. I feel so good. I still have my imaginary friends, I still urinate at night and I still hallucinate, but at least I don’t look down on people. I am proud of myself. I feel human again. I quitted pornography, gambling, eating too much and avoiding God. I hope this will last for long, knowing I am a bipolar as well. I have three mental health problems but I don’t feel I am a bunch of labels anymore. I am myself and I like who I am. God bless you all!
wow.. it’s really weird and i can’t even decide if it’s a good thing or bad to know that much people suffering from the same problem with me.. i’m a 26 year old male and having the same problem for almost four years.. i can’t help myself to not to look at female boobs (doesn’t matter if she is hot or not or young or an elder lady..) and staring at male’s tooth or even a simple mole in his face.. it’s like my eyes do all the things to annoy all the people around me and make people think that i’m kinda freak.. i tried to get professional help for a year.. saw a consultant.. but nothing.. so i leave my home country, all my family and friends and move to US.. right now i’m lonely.. have limited friends but they all avoid to stay alone with me.. i scare them i guess.. i can’t make eye contact with anybody.. and i can’t talk to anybody about my problem.. don’t know what to do about it.. but i’m wondering if it would be better to have some friends whom have the same problem with me and be able to chat with me without thinking that i’m some kind of pervert.. so all i’m trying to say if it’s a good idea to meet with people with the same problems?? anybody any idea??
I have the same problem. Started when I was 18 I am now 29. I was raised in a very religious family and went to a very small church school. Was given spankings with a wooden paddle at school by the teacher on numerous occasions. Was taught that sex and public school and wearing revealing clothes was a sin. I got married at 22 and have 3 children. I have been diagnosed as having ptsd (Post truamatic stress disorder) Been to numerous pschycologists, therapists etc…Been on many many drugs. Depression persists, worry about my kids having a mom like me. I have pretty much given up on ever being cured. I am a very angry person. Pissed at the world for how they treat me or obbessed with how I think they percieve me. I would rather people hate me because I am mean than give them a chance to laugh and ridicule me for this problem. I know I need to get help been feeling a lot worse lately. Never thought I had OCD maybe this info will help. Sorry to everyone out there who has the same problem. I know the pain it causes, or that we cause ourselves. Would be great to meet another person like me. Would love you to pieces, would never hurt ya or think ill of ya. Would laugh and giggle with ya. WOuld love to be silly together and make fun of eachother. Would love to have a staring contest with ya. Aint it funny how you can tell so much about somebody by how they react to ya? Some guys are so arrogant…Dude you really think I’m lookin at your junk???? They the ones that need the help…Sometimes it’s hard to take other people serious because they take me sooooooooooooooooooooooo serious. They take my glance to heart…get all super serious on me. What a great conversation starter think I’m going to have to start using that. Hi I’m Serena and I really don’t want to look at your private parts I just have OCD. Nice to meet ya!
Serena, I have this to. I actually left a message up a few posts. Anyways, you said you got married. How did you meet your husband? Did you tell him about it? Because I don’t know how I could ever meet someone in person and get to know them with this. I actually have a lot of questions for how you deal with it and socialize… I mean heck! You have a family! Thanks if you reply.
Well yes I am married. I never thought I would get married. But it just happens. Three kids and I was only on a small dose of antidepressants with my last, my boy. He is a beautiful smart funny and vibrant 2 year old. I have been to 5 or 6 psychologists. Starting when I was 18. None of them really helped me like I had to find this site to figure out my own REALLY REAL diagnosis. So ya’ll helped me out big time. So today I made a lot of phone calls and talked to some big wig DR.s about my symptoms and they agree that some of it is OCD and could be a lil social anxiety. Excuse me but huhhhhumm….HELL YES!!! I don’t care if this shit can’t be cured. There are all kinds of things out there that can’t be cured. BUT now that I know what I have I can find the right type of DR. and kick some major ass getting some of it under control. My kids are my insperation dear. A mothers love is an amazingly powerful thing. My poor darlings have had to put up with me being grumpy and sad, stressed to the max. NO MORE…If this dr. doesn’t know what heck she is doing than I’m going to the next and the next and the next. I’ve spilled my guts and cried till i wanted to puke to a shrink that did nothing for me. I emptied out ALL the skeletons in my closet I’ve done everything in my power that i can do. For a while I lost a lil hope. BUT IM BACK BABY!!! I ordered some work books on OCD. MY appointment is for the 15th. Think of me on that day. What is everyone else doing to fight for there lives? The O in OCD stands for Obssesive. Well I am obsessing about recovery, strength, will power, comittment.
One of the things we people have to overcome is the fact that we feel unlovable. We are waaaaaay to hard on ourselves. We “think” we are freaks and weird. and that is what we have to fight and get over. That is the disease. One thing that has really helped me is to read books about people that have gone through horriffic events in there lives and survived. Makes me feel special I guess, like I could write a book. Meditation helps and there are lots of great books out there that can get you started with that. Lots of people have problems, we like to think we are so alone and no one else is like us. BUT there are tons and tons of people that have anxiety problems. We are all really stuck in our heads, people around us don’t know the chaos we deal with everyday and the struggle it is. And if we keep silent nothing will ever get better. Much peace and hope to you all in your lives.
One other thing about the whole sunglasses comment up above. I REFUSE to wear sunglasses. There have been some times where it was really tempting really really tempting but I made a pact with myself that I would never hide like that. And the whole dropping out of college. I understand that this is debilitating but I purposely made myself go back to school it was the scariest thing I’ve done.lol It was what I feared the most. I stood up to my fear and it just made me that much stronger.